The Secret Flight Attendant Answers Readers' Questions: "I've got hot coffee in 3B!' means there’s an attractive passenger"

Whenever I tell someone I work as cabin crew, I’m instantly bombarded by questions.

“Oh, have you met any famous people?”

“Is there a secret flight attendant code?”

(And unfortunately, often on dates) “Has someone ever tried to join the Mile High Club while you’ve been working?”

There is something about the job that seems to be unusually fascinating to people, and USTN readers are clearly no exception. We still had so many questions left unanswered after my first column so I am back to answer more queries and provide some behind-the-curtain insight into the lives of flight attendants. Buckle up! 

1. I’ve heard there is a secret signal that flight attendants use when they think a passenger is hot. Is this true, and what is the signal?

There is usually a good deal of time on long-haul flights when we, as flight attendants, have to entertain ourselves. Passengers have in-flight entertainment systems, and guess what? Passengers are our in-flight entertainment. 

It’s not because we are super gossipy, but as flight attendants, the chances are, we’re people watchers, and it's literally in our job description to keep a watchful eye on all people in our care, including the hot ones!

As for a secret signal, I’ve heard of a few but don’t take part myself, in all honesty. The truth is, we have a lot of time to chat in relative privacy, especially when passengers are sleeping, so there’s not always a great need to have a secret signal or code. 

One thing to look out for is if crew members keep passing by and glancing up at your seat number. We’re probably checking so that we can chat with the crew at the back of the plane. Either you're hot stuff or you are annoying us; either way, it's something to look out for. 

A colleague of mine that I do a lot of short hauls with will sometimes look up at me and tell me, 'I've got hot coffee in 3B!' which means there’s an attractive passenger (or at least a passenger that she finds attractive) in that seat. Generally, though, any extra attention like offering a drink or going above and beyond what's required might be a sign that we’ve noticed you. 

Please, though, don’t take this as a sign to be creepy, overly friendly, or touch us (yes, that still happens). If we’re actually interested, we will let you know during the flight. 

2. Do you keep track of how many alcoholic drinks a person has during a flight? Do you keep to the two drinks per person rule? 

We definitely keep track of it! Drunk passengers are usually the biggest threat to safety and a peaceful flight, so it's important that we know how much everyone has had to drink. It’s also the case that people’s bodies respond differently to alcohol (and most things) at 30,000 feet. 

On short-haul flights, I find a blanket rule easier than trying to guess different people’s alcohol tolerance or guessing how many drinks they have had before getting on the flight. During long-haul flights, though, it’s up to us, and we have more time to observe behaviour.

I’m all for people enjoying themselves on a flight, especially if they have paid for a premium ticket, and people are often respectful when flight attendants tell them when we think they’ve had enough. 

We do sometimes get passengers who get cut off by one of the crew and proceed to wander around the plane, asking other crew members for a drink. It’s a little bit like watching a kid try to bag sweets from their Mom and Dad, hoping that neither notices. Nice try, but you will always get caught out doing this.

3. How do you deal with drunk passengers? Who are the worst offenders?

Drunken behaviour is one of the biggest issues when flying, so we receive annual training on how to deal with disruptive passengers and the responsible selling of alcohol. Some passengers can become awful once they're under the influence, and sometimes explaining that they need to calm down can escalate the situation.

When things escalate, we give disruptive passengers a final warning, taking any drinks we find off them until the end of the flight and continue to monitor the situation. If they continue to be antisocial, we will take their passport details so the airline can ban them permanently. When they realise there could be actual consequences to their actions, such as not being able to board their flight home, they tend to back down.

As for the worst offenders, I’m sorry to say the stereotype is true. Brits tend to start drinking or even downing drinks at the airport, no matter the hour of the day, so many board the plane drunk or at least tipsy, and then carry on at pace. The upshot is that they can usually handle their liquor the best, so we try not to prejudge!

4. Do you ever get involved with screaming children on a flight? 

We do. It's a hard one to judge. We never want to tread on parents' toes, and we know how difficult it can be flying with a little one without the added embarrassment of a swarm of cabin crew trying to tell you how to parent. 

My response will often depend on how the parent is handling the situation. If the parent is obviously trying their best to calm the child down, I’m going to disregard the complaints from the passengers around them. They’re trying. But if they’re not acting like responsible parents, and don’t seem to really care about the disruption to the cabin environment their kids are causing, I will intervene myself. 

Distraction seems to be a reliable method for calming a child who won’t settle. If we have some on board, I often bring over some colouring books or a soft toy. My tip for parents would be to give them something they’re not allowed to have at home, whether that’s extra iPad time, watching their favourite show, or candy, it will calm them down and probably make them enjoy flying more. 

5. What if someone takes a seat that's better than the one they have, one that they see is empty?

I totally get the temptation; you're on a flight, everyone seems to be on board, and you see a seat with better legroom or the famous empty row. 

My message would be, please don’t go and take a seat, for a few reasons. Firstly, the boarding process may not be complete, and there can be late arrivals who the empty seats are assigned to. Getting up from your newfound seat when the passenger flashes their ticket can be a little embarrassing. Also, the empty seats you're seeing may be in a higher price tier, like ones with more legroom. If this is the case, you can’t sit there if you didn't pay for it, and we’re not allowed to move you.

Sometimes, a passenger can swap seats, but asking permission is still important. If you're feeling uncomfortable where you are, you can let the flight attendant know. (If you're a nervous flier or need extra attention from the crew, the best seats are near the galley where you're close to them.) And if you and your family are split up, let us know; we might be able to help. 

But there’s actually a lot of math involved in the seating plan. When a plane takes off, weight distribution needs to be optimal to fly safely. Generally, the plane is balanced between passengers, luggage, cargo, and fuel. However, the fewer people and luggage on board, the more the balance needs to be maintained. In fact, in some cases, you may be asked by a flight attendant to move from the seat you actually selected to create a better balance.

The main thing, as always, is to be discreet and respectful. Don't make a big show of relocating; if anyone asks, be prepared to return to your original seat.

Please submit your questions to info@USTN.com as I will be answering the most popular ones about being a flight attendant next week! Also, if any US flight attendants out there agree or disagree with my answers, please get in touch as I would love to hear from you. Identities will be kept anonymous.